-If I had one wish, It'd be You. <3-

Back to live journal.

Sat, 17 Apr 2004 05:25:03 GMT

Hmm. Back here again. I used to have a journal here but i don't wanna give that username out cause i wrote to much...I tried to make one of those sit dairy thingers but it was too complicated. I don't see how everyone else figured it out. Maybe i'm just dumb. lol....whatever. I love the song Yellow by Coldplay. It's so good. Plus it makes me think of somebody...:) well me and Matt are friends again. Which is cool. jesus, i'm sick again. I need to build up my immune system some how...so tomorrow i should be going to the mall with Paul to get Starla's b-day presents! Then we're gonna plan something for her b-day. It should be nice. We're gonna do something for her on Tuesday and Wenesday. Then Thursday morning Starla and I leave for the hotel! :) Why re we going? Eh...just to chill and have fun :o). I wanna go and i don't. I wanna be with Starla and chill but....i wont get to talk to someone...whatever. I'll live! wow. Nobody is online for 1:20 in the am. haha i wonder why....so early in the morning...or late at night. However people wanna think about it. I haven't even gone to bed yet...I wanna see someone on Sunday!!! Completely head over heels. It's crazy what guys can do to ya. lol. hmm well i wanna finish fixing this journal up and shit so i'll write later.
Loves! XoXo~ Margaux Elisabeth

Sat, 27 Dec 2003 23:49:20 GMT

new journal. Greatest Journal.com username: uknowyouloveit
haha i use that for everything now cause it's easy to remember if all my names are the same.

mall

Sat, 27 Dec 2003 02:03:09 GMT

okay so i went to the mall today with Nina! :) it was fun. First off we went to change my size nine shoes to size eight and a half. they fit so much better.
hmm i tried to put the picture in but i dunno if it worked. Whatev, anyways then we walked to the food court and met up with Taylor and we all walked to Best Buy. That was an adventure. haha. Nina bought a Justin Timberlake DVD and Blink 182's new cd and Taylor got a Linkin Park DVD. Yeah then we prowled the mall and saw this really hot guy at the hat store place haha i kept eyeing him and he looked back :) it was interesting but like me i have no guts so i didn't tlak ot him or anything just smiled. Whatev. lol. Yeah it was fun stuff. Then i came home and Lori had brought over two gifts for me and one was a initial necklace. Yeah...not really my thing....to much following the crowd thing for me but whatev it's pretty so i'll just wear it. and then Starla got me the Charlie's Angels Full Throttle DVD. I feel bad cause i didn't get her anything....it's just that i never see her and kinda forgot....omg thats so terrible!!! i'll get her something as soon as possible! God i feel like a bad friend....sigh* well i finally finished the my WHOLE journal that i write in every once in a while. it's interesting to read over. Dumb experiances that i dewled on at the moment. I'll probably read throught the whole thing tonight. Then i can finally begin in the new one i got. hmMm i'll probably get a greatest journal just because haha. okay. i'm out! later!!

Fri, 26 Dec 2003 04:20:32 GMT

Had a very nice x-mas. :). i caught my STUPID STUPID self thinking about him again. TODAY! on Christmas...when i thought i had over come it. Ugh i sat in the car jut thinkinging and missing moments. You know what it doesn't mean anything because if her asked me out i wouldn't even think about saying yes. so there. I wouldn't. I would say no right away. i'm out.

Can I have some Christmas spirit here??

Wed, 24 Dec 2003 22:29:24 GMT

Even as i wrap presents for people and look at all the presents under the nicely decorated tree it still doesn't seem like Christmas to me...i mean everything is perfect. Snow on the ground. Tree in living room. Family over for x-mas. Presents. People happy...except i'm not in the mood this year...like tomorrows Christmas and normally i would be jumping up and down extremely excited for x-mas. Right now...i just don't feel like it's Christmas...i dunno. ugh. whats wrong with me this year... sigh* hopefully next year will be better OVERALL. I hate being sick and congessted. ugh. at least i dont have a fever of 102 anymore. it went up to 102 later in the day yesterday after i posted that i had 101...it sucked :o( but now i'm better. :o) oh well...later. Merry Christmas eve...

-*Margaux*- xoxo~

sick :(

Tue, 23 Dec 2003 14:05:12 GMT

ugh i have a fever of 101.1 and nobodys awake so i'm really bored and sick. I always get sick at Christmas. I hope it doesn't turn into the usual 24 hour flu....i hate puking. :( i'm so stuffed up but my nose is runny at the same time. blah. i hate being sick.

Tue, 23 Dec 2003 01:45:48 GMT

woah....i was just testing myself about the whole getting over Mike and so i tried to remember a memory that made me happy at the time and i thought about it saw it in my mind and nothing happened. like before when i liked him a lot it hurt to think about those memories cause i would miss tem and stuff now i'm just like hmm cool....i dunno. it struck me weirdly that i didn't care. must really be over it. thats weird.

Tue, 23 Dec 2003 01:43:17 GMT

hmMm i just listened to the whole Thursady cd. wow. never heard anything worse in my life...well...maybe gospel music is worse but Thursday definitly sucks.

Mon, 22 Dec 2003 21:09:39 GMT

bored as fuck. i really wanna cuddle with somebody.

Mon, 22 Dec 2003 04:38:24 GMT

it's funny how giving up finally is working for me but now my mind is so blank.

Another exciting day.

Sun, 21 Dec 2003 21:01:29 GMT

Went to Gwyn's house last night. I had so much fun. I'm gald we got to hang out. Haha, all we did was tlak but i really needed another person to talk to about shit and stuff. I realized how almost every girl is going through this time where guys are just being complete pricks. Heh so i can definitly talk to most any of my friends cause they can completely relate. But i'm over it. Guys aren't all that bad...just piss me off now and then. So Gwyn showed me this new song by the darkness...omg i love it haha it's so funny!! OoOoO and now i can listen to Dashboard confessional again cause she gave me the c.d omg i'm pumped!!!! I love them :). There's only one problem with songs for me. I listen to music 24/7..like seriously i even listen to shit when i go to sleep haha but anyways so when i'm really sad or something i really liked happened to me and i'm listening to a certain song when i listen to it again it'll remind me of that time when i was happy or sad and sometimes it makes me think of things i'm trying to forget about...oh well. ugh headache! Whoever picked the tree out at my house picked a puny tree. It's lame...i love full fat trees haha. Whatever no biggie :) Anyways. I downloaded the new Netscape cause explorer was gay. It's so cool haha. Like i don't have to type www. haha i love that. and then i bookmarked this page where i can update and i made the bookmark have a keyword be update so i can just type update alone in the bar and it'll go right to this page! ahha i was amazed :-p but it doesn't take much to amze me huh? lol. Still happy :) even though my family is driving me bonkers! yeah thats right i said bonkers...hahaha shh...I just watched Just Deal, that movie with Mandy Moore in it. Yeah...it sucked ass. haha. It had completely no story line what so ever. I was bored watching it. I mean it scored a few laughs outta me but thats it haha. Like i would never watch it again. hmMm...i'm not excited for Christmas at all. i don't know why...maybe it's the fact i'm not getting along with my family so it seems like they're gonna forget about me or something at Christmas...haha yeah i know they wont but they seem like they are always pissed at my choices. Such as i didn't join Ski team and they were rambling on it forever...yeah there's a shit load of pricks on the team and it didn't interest me anymore so why the fuck do they have to keep pushing it? And i know they're pissed i don't play an instrument anymore. But you know how they say playing an instrument helps your grades...okay i got like C's last year when i played the tuba and now 1st quarter i got all A's and B's ALMOST straight A's....i think when i played the tuba i focused to much on trying to please my dad and it took to much of my time and focus and this year i'm more relaxed and i can work on my school work more. So whatev. Oh they also got pissed because i went out last night to Gwyn's. Okay if i had stayed home i woulda been in my room bored as hell so why the fuck does it matter if i'm here or there!? Plus i have a fucking life...i'm not gonna change all my plans cause they're here. Wow....i sound like such a bitch...i'm not REALLY lol it's just you don't know them...oh my god they're so selfish..i hate it. Ugh whatev. i'm out! late!

-*Margaux*-

thoughts from me again. ;)

Sat, 20 Dec 2003 05:38:38 GMT

Okay, more thinking has been done. What makes a person like someone so suddenly? Like i dunno. I liked Mike right off but other people it tkaes time for me to like them as much as I liked Mike. I dunno...it's weird. Oh well...there will be other guys :) theres only how many dudes on the earth? lol...more than i can dream of hahaha i'll be fine :)I'm trying to find someone new to get to know and stuff, i mean i got to be pretty good friends with Mike from all this. Which is etty nice to have :) mostly cause i don't have any guy friends besides him really. Like i talk to a bunch of guys at school but i talk to Mike at home more and stuff. I wanna get to talk to this 12th grader that Jenny and Sara are friends with (sara u know who 'A')he's so cute haha. then there's the other oerson Sara sees on swim team...thats SO hot hahaha right Sara? haha. Anyways...haha i've been in such a good mood for days. i dunno why.Like i'll be listening to music and have a sudden urge to dance haha. it's great lol. except when i'm listening to my c.d player waking the dog....don't want the neighbors scared hahaha :-p yeah. Taylor and i got taking about booze and parties...haha we are gonna be party animals :) i love the thought. we can't wait. We both agreed to throw a huge ass party senior year and get seriously trashed...hahaha. it'll be great. :-D yeah okay, i'm out. Night!!! :) xoxo~
-*Margaux*-

Fri, 19 Dec 2003 20:43:55 GMT

Wow! shitty day and i'm STILL happy hahaha. Ugh i hope i did okay on my world cultures test! :) OMG i hate Ms.Gross...grrr. She shuts me down all the f*ing time. Whatev. I'm SO dropping her class. Douche...haha. Sara is so funny...she's trying to hook me up with ppl...:-p silly...but whatev. i'm not complaining. haha. "Your amazing, i'm attracted but i'm terribly distracted and i'm try to be verbal and i'm back into this circle cause i just found someone specail and thats really something specai if you knew me, nice to meet you anyway" haha sry stuck in my head love that song. well i'm out like a trout. haha...anyways L8!

-*Margaux*-

A super de duper song.

Thu, 18 Dec 2003 20:16:49 GMT

"Nice To Meet You Anyway"

I don't want to get too close
I don't want to get too close
You see this isn't where my head is
If you knew me I'm not like this
But I just found someone special
And that's really something special
If you knew me
Nice to meet you anyway
I belive you're very fine
Still I haven't got the time
'Cause I just found someone special
And that's really something special
If you knew me
Nice to meet you anyway
And the sky opened up
With the soil of the sun
Dreaming of my true love
I don't mean to be so strange
But my life just took a change
'Cause I just found someone special
And that's really something special
If you knew me
Nice to meet you anyway
And the sky opened up
With the soil of the sun
Dreaming of my true love
So before this goes too far
Let me tell you what you are
You're amazing, I'm attracted
But I'm terribly distracted
And I'm trying to be verbal
And I'm back into this circle
Because I just found someone special
And that's really something special
If you knew me
Nice to meet you
Nice to meet you
Nice to meet you anyway
Nice to meet you anyway
And even if you want me to stay here
I'm telling you right now
I should leave
Before I get to changing my mind, dear
I hope you understand what I mean

Thu, 18 Dec 2003 19:57:18 GMT

hahaha....i'm SOOO over it. No more tears. Just laughing about how dumb i've been. sure maybe i did love him but hell....i don't need to love someone if they don't love me back. it's not fair so u know what goodbye :) i mean being friends is cool, i don't mind but i'm so over u. :) don't take this the wrong way. i wanna be friends it's just don't u think it's good i'm over it? i mean that make things so much less complicaited.
loves!!!

-*margaux!!*-

Woo HOO! :-p

Thu, 18 Dec 2003 19:52:00 GMT

haha. Wow. i was so happy today!!! WTF haha. i'm lovin it. haha. Study hall was good as usual, Rachel and i were talking and Ben could here stuff we were saying and he was like shaking head and smiling...i'm like "what?" lol. he's really nice. Haha he so owes me i let him see my science AND math hw..:-p. whatev it was cute haha. Then i was walking down my road from the bus and i was listening to gavin degraw "anyway" and i REALLY wanted to start dancing hahaha i dunno why but i really had to hold myself back not to and then i like shivered or jumped or sumthing hahah cause i was holding in my happiness or something haha i dunno it was fucking weird haha but i go in the garage and started singing out loud haha i love it. Yeah...haha i dunno why the hell i'm so happy...nothing great happened to me...actually Mike doesn't like me shouldn't i be sad...?? haha oh well i'm over it, as Jenny would say haha. Heh at lunch Rachel and i were talking about something i don't remember and she said ober there or something and Bacon was walking down towards us to sit down and he's like "what..?" hahaRachel and i both looked at each other and "uh..we weren't tlaking to you Baccon :-p haha" he laughed and goes "oh...haha thought u were." it was funny. haha yeah sounds stupid but it was funny. lol anyways! i'm out! need to do HW! and bake cookies for tomorrow!!! French paaaaarty! haha
-out like a trout- hahahahah luke said that in science and i burst out laughing haha it was funny sounding..

-*Margaux!!!*- xoxo~

follow through.

Wed, 17 Dec 2003 03:18:35 GMT

"Why didn't I look into your soft perfect eyes? There you sat as I walked away, too ashamed to stay. I wanted to crawl back into your arms and hug you tight but I didn't think it would be right. I love you, i truly do...no-one understands or believes me. It's okay if you don't wanna be with me, I'll live without you and let you be free. I wish it had turned out better than this i hate being lost in this abyss. I really do hope you turn out happy and find yourself someone to love, you'll always be the one i belove...Over time though my love will fade and i'll move onto a different aid. I wanted to spill my every thoughts and give them all to you but i knew it wouldn't be good enough for you. I know your a sweetheart and your wicked smart. I have one question to ask though, actually i have many but one at a time...Why couldn't I be yours and you mine? I would have given the world just to hold you everyday and more. One of being strangers and i already miss giving you my shy little smile. I want to be you angel agian...but i don't want you to disdain. I hope this is just a break making our hearts ache. The only problem is I don't know if your heart is aching too...oh please don't find someone new!!! :( I'm so scared that I screwed up. If what you need is a thousand apoligees to let me talk to you again, i'll give a thousand ten. I don't know why i want you in my life but now my heart feels like it's been stabbed by a knife. Have i already said i love you? cause i do...i really really do. Every moment of my day is spent with thoughts you you. Once i awoke with thoughts of me in your arms, but i knew it was just an old memory. Why couldn't it happen again...why...cause i screwed up and why couldn't i just say "sup?". I hate the way I love you. Thats what i kept repeating in my mind that night i was silent. I wnated you so bad but I knew you were just playing and i knw thats not disobeying.I should have been happy just to be your friend but i knew it would end...my insane and complex feelings had to ge tin the way, wow i'm glad this doesn't happen everyday. Okay i'm done...i wish i could say for good but i'll be back in da hood (haha) if u ever want me or need me for anything...anything at all...i'll be there at your beckon call. i love you. i really, really do. Just please love me too...:("

~written from the heart. mine and only mine.~

-*Margaux*- :'(

SCHOOL BLOWS!!!!

Mon, 15 Dec 2003 03:43:32 GMT

Wow i hate school SO much. D in world cultures and reading fucking Romeo and Juliet in English. It's in old english so i'm like not getting it. You might as well be reading Chinese. ugh. school sucks.

hmMm

Sun, 14 Dec 2003 19:02:16 GMT

I noticed it's always the same. Sad, happy, sad, happy, sad, happy....so on. I pretty much just realized that the human need is to be loved...just think about it. If you didn't always wanna be loved and stuff how would we act? we would be so different around people. We would actually be ourselves. I mean the whole reason we care about our looks is to please others into liking us. It all makes perfect sense but now that i see this i almost wanna forget it...just think, the whole purpose of our lives is to find someone to love. WOW! if i'm doomed to screw with my emotions my whole then shoot me now!!! please! lol.

It's gonna be a never ending cycle. I hope i don't end up like my mom...i feel so bad for her, my dad never does anything with her anymore like go out and take hikes and stuff or go out and do things, so my mom is always alone or with me and my brothers. I mean if you think about it...that sucks. It'd be nice if she found someone else so she could actually be happy... i hope she does. I feel bad...the other day i felt so sucky and i took it out on her...i told her we don't even have a family anymore because she's never around (which is true...but i shouldn't have said anything...) and my dad never does ANYTHING with the family. He works, cooks, sleeps and watches t.v. I mean seriously. We were graphing what we did during the day in Family life and i spend like 5 or 6 hours in my room..maybe more. Thats sad!!! haha i mean i would love to get out and do stuff but nobody ever wants to or something. I should just hang out with friends more or something.....sigh.

Okay i know i rant a lot but really this is the only place i truly do it. and you have to cut me some slack cause it is my journal and i try to be happy when i'm around people, i really do...ugh...for some reason i ACTUALLY wish it were summer..cause i've been having the urges to run and it is just way to fucking cold to do it now. heh thats prolly what i'll do all summer. Run, swim, go online and be incredibly bored lol. I need something i can focus on so i can forget about certain things i wanna forget. Ugh there is so much i wanna forget...it's funny cause i am pretty forgetful yet when i REALLY wanna forget certain things they repeat themselves over and over in my head nonstop...i hate it. i wanna buy some new stuff and focus on that. Maybe i'll clean my room today do some homework and go out with Charlotte and Charlie and do something fun. That should help.

i hope....i hate weekends. i hate friday nights and saturday nights...and cuddling and kisses and guys and people in general!!! ugh...i need to find something that makes me happy non-stop. I wonder if there REALLY is a perfect match out there for everyone. and if there is...how many people actually find there perfect match.

I'm still not excited for Christmas. We don't have our tree up yet. I have no money. Shit i have to write my grandma a thank you for my b-day money...I hope this Christmas will at least be HAPPY...i don't even care about the presents at all..i just don't wanna be sad on Christmas. I hope next year is better for me...this year has sucked royally. Maybe i'll get my dad t help me finish my application to Graves and send it in. It would be nice to get some money each week. Even if it is only a couple bucks...

wow...i don't remember the last time Amanda and i had a sleepover...or Gwyn and i's last one either. Sigh. I feel like i'm drifting away from my friends. Amanda and i never talk anymore really. it's weird. we used to talk on the phone EVERYDAY 24/7. now..she doesn't call as much and i don't call either..then there's Rachel..she's like a school friend. She's one of my good friends at school but when it comes to vacations or weekends she calls up amanda or amber to hang out (she makes fun of amanda 24/7!!) ugh i dunno. then amber is kinda a school friend too cause we never talk at home. Starla is my friend when she has free time. sigh. i should do something about this instead or ranting. okay okay. i'll make plans and shut the fuck up cause i can tell i'm getting annoying being sad all the time.

I promise i'll be better...i'll stop being sad. And i wont give a shit about stuff thats upsetting. okay..i'll do it.

Complacent- Eager to please; complaisant. If you didn't know what it ment. Cause it's my mood.

-*Margaux*-

sigh*

Sun, 14 Dec 2003 07:37:45 GMT

Again i'm sad, pissed, upset, annoyed...everything but happy. I'm so sick of being me...ugh...i wanna cry :( i hate people......so much. Everyone is so two-faced. I can't talk to anyone really and so thoughts just keep repeating themselves in my head. repeating over and over...and i can't make my mind up. I'm gonna stop this all.....soon enough. i have to or i'm going to be so emotionally fucked up. I already am a bit.....i hate being around ppl yet sometimes i love it. i dunno.....i'm dumb. blah. night*

-*Margaux*-

shit...

Sat, 13 Dec 2003 19:10:09 GMT

So far i'm getting a D in World Cultures...fuck...so much for getting all A's this quarter. I did so good last quarter though...And Ms.Gross said i was missing an assignment, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT!! why the fuck didn't she tell me? i woulda done it. i really don't remember missing an assignments. Monday i'll give her shit. God i hate her. Sigh* Hey at least i passed my math test i thought i had failed so i'm not failing math or getting a unsatisfactory grade!!! isn't that super?! haha. I think it is. :) ugh back to thinking 24/7 about the same person. It's annoying cause i can't help it. oh well. my dreams are awesome haha I wish i could switch my dreams to be reality and make reality my dreams. heh. that would be interesting wouldn't it? Well only my good dreams be reality...not the mesed up freaky ones lol. Alright...i'll most likey be back so later.

-*Margaux*-

dream baby dream

Sat, 13 Dec 2003 18:44:25 GMT

Damn...I wish I lived in my dreams. :) they're so perfect. wanna make my dreams come true? :-D

-*Margaux*-

AH

Sat, 13 Dec 2003 03:29:56 GMT

Everything is so inside out and nobody listens. blah...today was good...just dissapointing and i know he was trying to be nice and not hurt my feelings but i dunno...sigh* I ate a pizza slice and a couple chips...thats all for today...i dunno why...i haven't been hungry again. not agian........ugh. i hate this! i wish i had feelings like every other girl (ppl at my school) who goes from liking one guy to another in days. Me...one guy to...the same guy for a long time and it kills. bye.

-*Margaux*-

:)

Thu, 11 Dec 2003 20:17:57 GMT

today was so boring...omg..i was sleeping a bit in English hahaha. i swear then i would kinda jolt my head up waking up and i was like shit...lol. Plus i kept repeating the same line over and over in my head, i dunno why...it was weird..today was a blurr. Except i wanted English to end because we were reading Romeo and Juliet and it's boring as fuck, thats when i was falling asleep. Plus i wanted it to end so i could see Mike and stuff but his car wouldn't start this morning so he couldn't give me ride. *ride home* lol get ur mind out of the gutter....haha. gtg later

14 day!

Thu, 11 Dec 2003 01:20:23 GMT

I had a good day today. I still woke up late haha like yesterday, even when i went to bed at 10! I was tired all day too...but anywho...chorus was gay but bearable. then science was kinda fun we got to use the c.o.w.s. (computers on wheels) lol yah gay name lol. anyways that was kinda fun. Then i had study hall! :) yay. Rachel and i talked and shit then lunch came and Mike came today and last 14 day!! isn't that surprising :-p haha anywho then Rachel, Jessie and I went to the library and Jeremy came too. He's so funny. it's great. He says the most absurd things lol. Like he was complimenting ppl and he usually disses ppl so everyone was like yeah wtf is up with u? lol but he's like wow can't anyone take a compliment? lol it was funny. omg...okay Liz is always asking why i love mike and i never wanna say my reasons but hey hears one "he says the most ADORABLE things ever!" *Mike:you're like the little angel in my head... and i'm like the little devil.....*i replaced his sn with his name just so ya know. but isn't that SO cute?? i love it haha. :) ohh i got a ride home from him today it was cool cause i didn't have to take the fucking bus! haha. plus i got to wear his coat which was nice cause i was FREEZING the whole day! still am...anywho...i'm gonna finish my essay so write later! :) loves,
-*Margaux*-

-*If I had one wish, It'd be You. <3*-